No Biggie: Just Spiders The Size Of Puppies Running Around Killing People

Discovery – Piotr Naskrecki was taking a nighttime walk in a rainforest in Guyana, when he heard rustling as if something were creeping underfoot. When he turned on his flashlight, he expected to see a small mammal, such as a possum or a rat. “When I turned on the light, I couldn’t quite understand what I was seeing,” said Naskrecki, an entomologist and photographer at Harvard University’s Museum of Comparative Zoology. A moment later, he realized he was looking not at a brown, furry mammal, but an enormous, puppy-size spider. Known as the South American Goliath birdeater (Theraphosa blondi), the colossal arachnid is the world’s largest spider, according to Guinness World Records. Its leg span can reach up to a foot (30 centimeters), or about the size of “a child’s forearm,” with a body the size of “a large fist,” Naskrecki told Live Science. And the spider can weigh more than 6 oz. (170 grams) — about as much as a young puppy, the scientist wrote on his blog.

Ebola this, ebola that. Fuck that noise. Everyody is so busy worrying about ebola these gigantic spiders are probably gearing up to attack America. I mean who gives a fuck about Ebola when spiders the size of puppies are running around Guyana. I’d rather catch Ebola 1,000 out of 1,000 times rather than even know these fuckers exist. Like you catch Ebola you go to the hospital take some penicillin and call it day. These Goliath Birdeater gets it’s hands on you it’s game set match. He’ll have you wrapped up in his giganto spider web just eating your skin off before you can scream Momma. Death by giant spider? No thanks. Top 5 worst ways to die.

PS – Supposedly these things aren’t deadly to humans? I believe that as much as I believe humongous bumble bees can’t sting you. Of course they can! Look at those motherfuckers. Scary as fuck.  You don’t look like that and not do damage to humans.  Duh.